What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Mom
A mom of three shares what she wishes she knew before becoming a mom, from pregnancy surprises to lessons learned through early motherhood.
What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mom
Before I became a mom, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what motherhood would look like. I expected it to be tiring, emotional, and full of love — and it is all of those things. But there were also so many parts I didn’t fully understand until I was living them.
Now, as a mom of multiple kids, I look back and realize there are a few things I really wish I had known earlier. Not because they would have made everything easier, but because they would have helped me feel more prepared, more confident, and a little less alone.
My journey into motherhood also came with surprises. My first baby was born unexpectedly at 31 weeks, my second at 35 weeks, and my third at 36 weeks. Those experiences taught me early on that motherhood doesn’t always follow the plans we imagine — and that flexibility becomes one of the most important skills we learn.
Your Body and Heart Change in Ways You Don’t Expect
Everyone talks about how your body changes after having a baby, but what surprised me most were the emotional and mental shifts. You don’t just become responsible for another person — your sense of time, priorities, and even your identity starts to shift.
Things that once felt urgent suddenly feel small, and things you never worried about before can take up a lot of mental space. It takes time to recognize yourself in this new version of you, and that adjustment is completely normal.
You Don’t Have to Do Everything “Right” to Be a Good Mom
Early on, it’s easy to feel like there’s a right way to do everything — how to feed, how to sleep, how to soothe, how to structure your days. But the truth is, most of motherhood is learned through trial, error, and paying attention to your own child.
What works for one baby might not work for another, even in the same family. Letting go of the idea that there’s a perfect formula can be incredibly freeing. Being present, loving, and responsive matters far more than getting everything exactly right.
Asking for Help Is Not a Weakness
This is something I had to learn the hard way. Wanting to do everything yourself can feel like strength, but it can also lead to exhaustion and burnout.
Whether it’s leaning on family, friends, or simply admitting you need a break, asking for help is part of taking care of yourself — and taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids.
Your Relationship With Time Will Completely Change
Before kids, I thought I understood being busy. After becoming a mom, I realized how different time feels when your days revolve around feeding schedules, naps, school routines, and bedtime rituals.
Days can feel long, but the years move incredibly fast. Learning to be present, even in ordinary moments, becomes more important than trying to make every moment special.
Trust Yourself More Than You Think You Can
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that you grow into motherhood. You don’t start out knowing everything, but you learn — through instinct, experience, and love.
You will make mistakes. You will change your mind. You will find what works for your family over time. And that growth is part of the journey, not a sign that you’re doing something wrong.
A Gentle Encouragement for New and Expecting Moms
If you’re pregnant, newly postpartum, or just starting to find your rhythm as a mom, I hope you know that you’re doing better than you think.
Motherhood doesn’t require perfection. It requires patience, flexibility, and a whole lot of grace — especially for yourself.
And even when things don’t go according to plan, you can still build a beautiful, meaningful motherhood journey, one day at a time.
Valerye Defehr
I quickly became a mother of three under three, and I would never change that for the world. I am forever grateful that God has provided me with an ever-loving husband and three small humans to share our life values with.
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About Me
Hey there! I’m a stay-at-home mom of 3 under 3 who juggles daily life and navigates the chaos. Join me as we learn to love the craziness of motherhood and everything that it throws at us.
