What No One Told Me About Having A Preterm Baby
A mom of three shares her experience having a preterm baby and the emotional lessons she learned along the way.
What No One Told Me About Having a Preterm Baby
When you imagine meeting your baby for the first time, you usually picture a due date circled on the calendar, a hospital bag packed in advance, and some sense of readiness for what’s coming next. Preterm birth doesn’t follow that script.
My journey into motherhood included three early arrivals — my first baby was born unexpectedly at 31 weeks, my second at 35 weeks, and my third at 36 weeks. Each experience was different, but they all shared the same feeling of having the ground shift beneath my feet. Things moved faster than my heart could catch up with.
There were a lot of things no one really told me about having a preterm baby. Not in a frightening way — just in the honest, human way that only experience teaches.
The Emotional Whiplash Is Real
One of the hardest parts was how quickly emotions could change. One moment there was relief that the baby was here and safe. The next moment there was fear, uncertainty, and exhaustion.
It’s a strange space to live in — holding gratitude and worry at the same time. I learned that it was okay to feel both, and that neither emotion canceled the other out.
Letting Go of the Timeline You Imagined
Pregnancy often comes with mental milestones — baby showers, nesting plans, last quiet moments before birth. When a baby arrives early, those timelines can disappear overnight.
I had to learn how to release the version of pregnancy and birth I had imagined and meet the reality in front of me instead. That wasn’t easy, but it created space for acceptance and resilience to grow.
The NICU and Early Days Can Feel Overwhelming
Hospital environments, monitors, medical conversations, and unfamiliar routines can feel intimidating at first. There’s a learning curve that happens quickly, often while you’re still recovering physically and emotionally.
What helped me was taking things one day at a time — sometimes one hour at a time — and allowing myself to ask questions, lean on the medical team, and rest when I could.
Learning to Trust Your Baby’s Strength
One of the most surprising lessons was witnessing how resilient babies truly are. Even when they arrive earlier than expected, they show remarkable determination and strength.
Watching my babies grow, adapt, and thrive reminded me that progress doesn’t always look linear — but it still moves forward.
Finding Your Own Rhythm at Home
Bringing a preterm baby home can come with extra caution, extra appointments, and a heightened sense of awareness. It can take time to find confidence in your own rhythm as a parent.
Slowly, routines form. Confidence grows. What once felt fragile begins to feel steady.
A Gentle Word for Parents Walking This Path
If you’re walking through a preterm birth journey — whether you’re still in the hospital or already home — I hope you know you’re not alone.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to take things slowly. It’s okay to grieve what didn’t go as planned while still loving what is.
Your baby’s story doesn’t start with how early they arrived — it continues with every small victory, every quiet moment, and every step forward.
And you are stronger than you think.
Valerye Defehr
I quickly became a mother of three under three, and I would never change that for the world. I am forever grateful that God has provided me with an ever-loving husband and three small humans to share our life values with.
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About Me
Hey there! I’m a stay-at-home mom of 3 under 3 who juggles daily life and navigates the chaos. Join me as we learn to love the craziness of motherhood and everything that it throws at us.
